“We are human beings, not human doings.”
— Deepak Chopra

Let me start with a confession, one that might feel uncomfortably familiar to you.

There was a time in my life when I genuinely believed that rest was something you earned, like a badge of honour you got only after every box was ticked. After you felt you pushed hard enough. 

If I was not actively working on something or towards something, I felt vulnerable. Anxious. Almost like I might disintegrate into a puff of existential smoke. I did not know it at the time, but my self-worth was all tangled up in my output, and productive achievement had quietly become my personality.

In hindsight, by doing so much, I was not just avoiding boredom, I was avoiding myself. I had spent so long trying to be exceptional, I did not know how to just be, well, human.

That moment stayed with me. It cracked something open. Because no matter how shiny things looked on the outside, behind the credentials, accomplishments, polished appearance, and curated calm, I felt a bit like a well-dressed ghost.

And from having worked with so many ambitious perfectionistic strivers, I know I am not alone. From my work, I have come to learn that for those who are fuelled by an unknown internal force to do better, be better, and achieve more, overachievement is their way of hiding. Not consciously. Not maliciously. But protectively.

Let me explain …

The Psychology Behind the Gold Stars

On the surface, overachievers look like the ones who really have their lives figured out. They are successful, disciplined, productive, and driven. They tick boxes faster than most people can write them down. 

But underneath it all, they are often fuelled by anxiety. A fear that if they stop performing, people will discover that they are not good enough, not worthy, not lovable. So they keep pushing. Chasing gold stars and polished milestones like limited edition Lego sets — fun to collect, but never truly fulfilling. Because being applauded feels a whole lot safer than being seen.

Overachievement As A Mask

For the perfectionistic striver, overachievement is not just about being ambitious. It is about being safe. For most, this internal pursuit for excellence is a shield, a coping strategy, often formed early in childhood. Behind the achievements, they can hide. They do not have to deal with the discomfort of being themselves. Therefore, keep themselves safe from being criticised, judged, shamed, rejected, humiliated, or ridiculed. 

Sadly, because perfectionistic strivers become so good at being who the world expects them to be they slowly lose touch with who they truly are. I will frequently hear high-striving clients voice things like:

• “I don’t know who I am if I am not working on something”
• “I’m terrified of slowing down! That I will lose my drive.”
• “I feel like a fraud, even though I’ve worked harder than anyone else at my level.”

But, as I have noted in one of my previous articles, “Where Did My Drive Go? The Unexpected Reason You Feel Lost, Low, and Listless”, there is only so much running you can do before your internal sense of self forces you to pay attention.

The Quiet Cost of Always Performing

Unfortunately, all the achievements, prestige, and accolades do not come without their cost. Over time, feelings of fatigue and overwhelm set in. You feel increasingly demotivated, distracted, empty, irritated, restless, empty, robot-like, and disconnected from yourself and others. 

Your life that once looked so full from the outside, starts to feel really empty on the inside. And the hardest part? It is not easy to stop. Our world rewards overachievers. We are praised for our discipline, our output, our “hustle”. Particularly when others benefit from your overachieving nature. 

There exists this deep fear of losing it all if you were to let go. You worked so hard to get where you are, heaven forbid you had to stop! The internal fears around change are plenty. Therefore, asking a high-striving perfectionist to just do less is like asking them to stop breathing!

So, how do you let go?! SLOWLY! 

If something inside you is whispering, “I can’t keep doing this!”, listen! That whisper is your inner self trying to break through all the doing. Start spending time with yourself, so you can learn about the person that you are, not just the productive version of you. Resist the urge to sign up for yet another course or masterclass that promises to optimise your skillset, status, or accolades.

Instead, ask yourself:

• Who am I when I am not achieving?
• What genuinely inspires me — not just impresses others?
• What does my version of success look like?
• What would I do if fear was not driving the bus?
• What lights me up enough to put on the “get-to-do” list in my dream week?
• What articles do I love to read just because they spark something in me?

And if you are ready to go deeper, psychotherapy can be an extraordinary companion on this journey. Psychotherapy is not only about unpacking trauma or dealing with symptoms. It is about rediscovering the person behind the performance. It is where you get to trade your armour for authenticity, one brave moment at a time.

In A Nutshell

You were never meant to be a machine. You are not a walking to-do list or some perfectly optimised productivity app. You are a whole, worthy, breathing human, with quirks, fears, dreams, and all. And every part of you deserves space.

Real success? It is not hiding in your CV. It is hiding in your relationship with yourself. It shows up in how connected you feel, to your truth, your values, your heart, not just in how connected you are to your inbox, Insta followers, WhatsApp Business, or Slack.

So, if you are exhausted from constantly doing more to prove your worth, then maybe this is the article you needed to read to give yourself permission to stop achieving and start reconnecting.

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