“You don’t have to be great to start, but you have to start to be great.”
– Zig Ziglar
So often, people believe that if only they had more self-belief, they would finally be able to move forward. You know, apply for that job they actuallywant, start the side-hustle they have been thinking about, explore something they feel deeply drawn to, or enroll for that course they know could open doors for them.
Unfortunately, most people get stuck with the “want to do’s” because of the story they tell themselves: “I don’t have enough confidence” or “ I just don’t believe I can”. It is this notion that you need to believe in yourself first beforeyou can take action that is your biggest barrier to taking action
When you Google, How to increase my self-belief? it brings up everything from positive mantras and guided meditations to mindset hacks and energy work. And while some of these tools have value, they rarely ever address the deeper issue, which is that self-belief is not built through more thinking, but actually, through doing more.
Self-belief and confidence in yourself are not generated in your head, it is created through providing evidence to your brain that what you believe is actually true. This means, your brain needs to be provided with proof that you are not lying to yourself. Self-belief does not come from convincing yourself that you can do something, it comes from proving to yourself that you have done something difficult, despite your self-doubt.
In simple terms, self-belief is not about believing in yourself in a vague, motivational sense. It is not some abstract trust that you are destined for greatness or that everything will magically work out. Rather, it is about believing in your ability to do things. It is practical. Grounded. Skill-based.
Confidence Is Earned, Not Learned
This difference matters, because many people wait until they feel confident before they take action. But confidence does not show up in advance. You do not build confidence by thinking about doing the thing, you build it by doing the thing, especially when you do not feel ready.
Confidence is not a prerequisite, it is a by-product. It comes after the discomfort, after the risk, after the part where you show up unsure but do it in any case. That is where self-belief begins — when you prove to yourself, through action, that you can face something hard and unfamiliar, and still survive it unscathed, even if it is messy or imperfect.
For example, let us say someone wants to start public speaking but believes they are “not confident enough” to stand in front of a crowd. So, they wait. They read books, watch TED Talks, write scripts, and tell themselves, “Once I feel more confident, I will try.” But months pass, and nothing changes.
Now imagine they take a different approach. They decide to speak at a small, informal event — just a few minutes, mostly with people they know. Their voice shakes, their heart races, and they forget a point or two. But they finish. They did it! Then something changes, because they proved to themselves that they can speak in front of others. That is the first real evidence their brain receives that they are capable.
For the same person, the next time, may feel equally daunting, but they fear it less. With each repetition, their confidence grows, not from imagining it, but from experiencing it. They are no longer hoping they can do it — they know they can, because they already have!
That is the process, you show up scared, do it anyway, and let your brain catch up. Over time, your belief in your abilities becomes rooted in reality, not theory.
Small Commitments, Big Change
So, where do you begin? Start with small, deliberate commitments to yourself. Choose something that feels uncomfortable and challenging enough, but that is still doable. For example, learning a new skill like playing the drums, or signing up for something that stretches you like a physical challenge. Then show up for it, regardless of how you feel. Commit and show up, every time. As you stick through the difficult patches, you start to notice improvements in your ability, and your belief in yourself. Not because you repeated a mental mantra, but because you now have evidence for “I did that!”.
In my work, people who make the most sustainable progress are not the ones with the loudest confidence, they are the ones who honour the commitments they make to themselves. They start with one difficult thing. Eventually, it becomes easier. Then they move to the next. Slowly, steadily, they build a patterns of behaviour that signals to their brain: “I can do hard s**t!” And that pattern becomes a foundation for more courageous action.
It makes sense, right? If you cannot even show up for your own commitments, of course you do not believe in yourself!
Broken Method, Not Broken You
This is also why I have never been a fan of blind positive thinking. There is a difference between having an optimistic orientation towards life, and simply willing yourself into positive thoughts. Optimism includes realism. It acknowledges the difficulty in things, whilst still moving forward with a positive mindset. By contrast, the kind of positive thinking that insists on ignoring the hard parts can leave people feeling broken, unmotivated, and hopeless.
And this is where many people are left feeling stuck! They have tried the mindset work. They have challenged their thoughts, journaled, and meditated. And when those approaches do not lead to real change, they assume they are the problem. That something is wrong with them. But often, they are not broken, the strategy they are using simply is!
So, if you are feeling stuck, I want to remember this: you do not need to feel more confident before you take action. You need to act before you feel confident. That is how it works. And the beautiful part is, once you start taking those small steps, even imperfectly, the confidence does follow. Slowly. Quietly. But unmistakably evident.
Your belief in yourself will not just appear at once. It will grow very slowly. Each time you show up when it sucks balls, that is where your strength is built. Not in imagining who you could become, but in proving to yourself, over and over again, who you already are that person! You have what it takes to choose something for yourself, show up, push through, and make progress.
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