“The land of possibility is a better place to make your home than the realm of expectation will ever be.”
― Rasheed Ogunlaru
When people seek out psychotherapy, it’s often because something in their life feels “off” or has become unbearable. It might be a gradual accumulation of symptoms like anxiety, depression, obsessive-compulsive behaviours, relational difficulties, inattention, or social disinterest. Perhaps they have fallen into destructive habits, addictive patterns, or self-harm, or they find themselves fundamentally changed — lamenting the loss of their “old self.”
From the outside, it might seem obvious that there is a psychological issue at play. Anxiety disorder, burnout-induced depression, or some other undiagnosed mental disorder may be the suspected culprits. But in my experience as a psychotherapist, I’ve discovered that these symptoms are frequently not rooted in mental health, but rather in something deeper — something existential.
Existential symptoms often surface when we have strayed from our true path, distancing ourselves from our authentic selves. We might spend years doing what we “should” be doing, following a checklist of expectations. But no matter how many boxes we tick, or how many we leave unticked, we find ourselves grappling with a sense of discontentment and emptiness. The drive, motivation, inspiration, and zest for life that once fueled us may vanish. Our desire to engage with the world, to create, to explore possibilities, can become dormant.
So what do we do? We try harder, we do more, we force ourselves to tick even more boxes. Because maybe, just maybe, that one last box will bring us the internal fulfilment we have been yearning for. But for some weird reason, the more we do the less “well” we feel. There may be those random days where your “old self” returns with a bang and it fools you into thinking that all of this “feeling off” was just a phase and that you are on an upward trajectory. You get reminded of what your “old self” felt like. You may find yourself a bit more motivated than usual, think a bit more creatively, focus better, or manage to get that dreaded workout in and feeling good for it. It is also generally during these days that you make bold future plans, commit to courses, gym routines, and new projects. You believe your “old self” has returned for good. Only for the motivation, energy, and eagerness to diffuse from your body a few days later.
Experiencing an existential crisis is anything but pleasant. Yet, it is crucial to embrace this discomfort, with all its accompanying confusion and despair. These feelings are not signs that something is wrong with you; they are indicators that your internal navigation system is functioning correctly. Unfortunately, in today’s society, where the pursuit of happiness is prioritized and “negative” emotions are often vilified, we are taught that prolonged sadness or discomfort must mean something is fundamentally wrong. However, denying these emotions is to deny our humanity. When we stray from our true path, suffering — whether physical, mental, or emotional — is inevitable.
Sometimes we move away from our true path but we don’t really notice it, we tolerate the symptoms through distraction or self-deception. However, there is only so much “off course walking” your psyche will allow before it forces everything around you and within you to pay attention and course-correct. Initially, it may start off as a mild demotivated state towards work, or bouts of inattention and disinterestedness in something that used to interest you. But then over time, if you do not do the work to course correct, you start to develop a cluster of these existential “symptoms”. Your body may start to speak to you through persistent injuries, illnesses, gut issues, or the development of autoimmune diseases. You find yourself questioning everything, feeling like you have lost interest in things you enjoyed previously, or you start to develop obsessive, addictive behaviours. Over time, without this clear sense of direction, you start to question the worth of pushing through the daily grind of life for everything seems a bit pointless.
Of course, people also get sick, regardless of whether they find themselves in an existential crisis or not. But I have yet to meet someone who is out of authenticity with themselves, completely off course, who does not suffer from some inexplicable illness, emotional malaise, or addictive battles. Because let’s face it, if you are haunted by bad moods, unfulfilling work, and purposelessness, then anything that slightly resembles dopamine lends itself to become an addiction.
Navigating through an existential crisis is no easy feat. Just as it took time to lose your way, it will take time to find it again. But the pain of remaining lost in life is far greater than the discomfort of finding your way back. The first crucial step towards reclaiming your true path is: acknowledging that you are lost.
In the weeks ahead, I will delve deeper into how you can rediscover your path and begin living in alignment with who you were truly meant to be. And remember, not all symptoms are purely psychological. Sometimes, the distress we experience isn’t rooted in organic mental health issues but in the profound, existential questions that challenge us to examine the very essence of our lives.
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