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Snowflake Syndrome: The Cost of Avoiding Difficulty

“Easy way feels good but fails to elevate you. Difficult way is overwhelming but guarantees to rise you.” – Hiral Nagda In an era where facing a mild inconvenience is considered a full-blown crisis, where the mere thought of a challenge sends people scrambling for their emotional support teddy bears, it is

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Behind the Mask: The Truth on Perfectionism

“When you accept yourself, the whole world accepts you”  – Unknown With a graceful touch, I guide the crayon along the edge of the black border, ensuring the vibrant colours stay neatly confined within its boundaries. Each stroke brings a sense of accomplishment, filling the blank spaces with hues that dance against

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Therapy secrets revealed: What clients wonder and therapists don’t say

“What is most personal, is most universal”  – Carl Rogers As a practicing psychotherapist, I’ve spent years delving into the depths of the human psyche, offering a safe space for clients to explore their innermost secrets, shame, emotional pain, and deepest confusions. Yet, behind the curtains of confidentiality, ethics, empathy, positive regard, unconditional

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Loneliness and belonging: What therapy has taught me

“We are all just walking each other home” – Ram Dass I started this week’s newsletter off writing about the strange nature of the therapeutic relationship, but then found myself questioning the strange nature of our modern relationships. In an age dominated by screens, social media, and artificial intelligence, online connections seem to

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The self-help hoax: Why you remain stuck

“Difficulties are meant to rouse, not discourage. The human spirit is to grow strong by conflict” – William Channing Do you often find yourself buying yet another self-help book that you hope will finally be the book that will give you that Aha! moment in trying to improve this one thing that you have been struggling with? Or do

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Emotions: A weakness? The truth behind your tears

“The more anger towards the past you carry, the less capable you are of loving the present”  – Barbara De Angelis “Not now”, I tell myself. “Hold it. Deep breaths”. I can feel tears trickling towards the bottom of my eyes. My view gets hazy. I refuse to blink. Fearing that a blink would push

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I should have this figured out already!

“The hardest part is not finding out who you are, it is accepting that which you find” – Carl Jung I have lost count of the number of times I’ve heard clients criticise themselves with the thought “I should have had this figured out already!”, or “I cannot believe that my parents’

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To therapy, or not to therapy? Is psychotherapy “right” for me?

“Psychotherapy is a sanctuary; a battleground; it is a place I have been psychotic, neurotic, elated, confused, and despairing beyond belief” – Kay Redfield Jamison Client: “I really don’t know if therapy is actually “right” for me, or if I just need life coaching”Me: “What makes you think you are not “right” for

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The Future of Self-Discovery: Using Technology and AI

“The better you know yourself, the better your relationship with the rest of the world.” — Toni Collette How self-aware are you, really? Ever wondered that? Well, if you can answer the following two questions, you are well on your way: Who am I? How am I seen by the world?

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Have we over-therapised ourselves and the profession?

“Silence becomes cowardice when occasion demands speaking out the whole truth and acting accordingly”  – Mahatma Gandhi Client: “But I’m doing all these things and I still feel so lost. Like I don’t feel like I’m any closer to knowing who I really am!” Me: “Have you tried to perhaps instead of

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Why Self-knowledge is Your Greatest Asset

“The better you know yourself, the better your relationship with the rest of the world” – Toni Collett I find it fascinating how we are so intrigued about the world around us that we will spend so much of our time trying to make sense of it – and others. We want to learn

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Man holding his hand in front of his mouth with a surprised expression on his face.

Say What? The Psychological Power of Words

Take a quick moment and reflect on the two most recent conversations you had. How did you feel following the conversation? What was the tone of the conversation? Uplifting? Heavy? Inspirational? Stressful? Energising? Now, more importantly, did you converse in a more positive or negative tone? Turns out, the words we use have

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Forget new year, new goals

Something that has come up for me a lot over the past week is the concept of goals and the setting of goals. It seems almost a given that at the beginning of every year, there exists this expectation for us to set goals. In life, setting goals is important, as

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Therapist in session

The costs of therapy no one talks about

We all know the benefits about psychotherapy, but what are the trade-offs? “Therapy isn’t Radio. We don’t need to constantly fill the air with sounds. Sometimes, when it’s quiet, surprising things happen.” — Mary Pipher There is no questions that psychotherapy holds tremendous value for those who are able to

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What Perfectionism IS, and what it IS NOT

Perfectionism, a reflection of how the self is perceived by others. An attempt on a better understanding of what it really is So, perfectionism …  It has become quite the buzz word in the self-development, self-improvement, and self-help world. But what is this term perfectionism really, and what is it

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What vulnerability IS and is NOT

“Vulnerability is the birthplace of connection and the path to the feeling of worthiness. If it doesn’t feel vulnerable, the sharing is probably not constructive.” Brené Brown Vulnerability truly does form the cornerstone of meaningful connections. It is only through our vulnerabilities that we truly connect. Vulnerability is the type

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What I’ve Learnt on Your Life’s Purpose

As a psychologist, I often have clients who come in wanting me to help them discover their purpose in life. Finding purpose is a great endeavour in life, but if you go about it the wrong way, then you will not only end up despondent (like you have no purpose

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choosing healthy foods

How to develop successful health behaviour campaigns

Designing effective health behaviour campaigns are essential given that today’s leading causes of death are behaviour-related, and thus, preventable. However, health campaigns can end up being disastrous if the intended message that gets communicated has the opposite effect to what was intended or desired. The main reason behind this ‘boomerang

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How self-criticism is harming you

“You are really ugly” … “You really should not be taking selfies, no camera is made for that face” … “Gosh, look at those teeth, rather keep your mouth shut” … “Why is your hair so curly?” … “You are just a burden to everyone around you” … “No one

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11 Subtle signs you are a Perfectionist

We now live in a culture that idolises perfectionism. The pressure to look and be the best is now higher than ever before. Once only to torment a select few, perfectionism has become a wide-spread phenomenon, fuelled by social media, modern parenting practices, meritocracy, and an increased competitive economy.  Perfectionism

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tired child

What if we are raising a tired generation?

Across the world, the academic and social pressures on tweens (i.e., pre-adolescent children) and teens (13-18 year olds) have escalated to an all-time high, as have the prevalence of mental health issues among these age groups. When it comes to adults, aspects such as work pressure, unrealistic work commitments, burnout,

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Perfectionism: A Lurking Epidemic

As a child, colouring in was probably one of my favourite activities, but I can still vividly recall the day in kindergarten where the crayon in my hand slipped slightly, making a mark outside of the solid black line on my drawing. My lower lip started trembling. Tears started filling

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Can we stop with the Happiness hacking?

Can we focus on human hacking instead? I know I will probably receive some criticism or backlash from this post, but alas, here I go.  As a psychologist, and a strong advocate for the field of positive psychology, I am all for using personal strengths and resources to pull oneself

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purpose written on wooden board

How to really find purpose

From a very young age, we are made to believe that we are placed on this earth for some unknown purpose, and that our biggest, most important life quest is to discover this purpose. Additionally, that this purpose is what we should be doing with our lives, for the rest

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teddy sitting on rocks contemplating values

The key reason why you are feeling lost, anxious, and unmotivated

Yesterday, following a psychotherapy session with a client, who felt unmotivated, lost, overly emotional, frustrated, and depressed, I was again reminded of that one thing that underlies so many of my clients’ emotional, occupational, and relational struggles–their lack of personal values!  I bet you, if you were to ask the

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Using technology to increase self-awareness

Who are you and how are you seen by the world? If you are able to answer these two questions then you are said to be self-aware. However, even though 95% of people believe to be self-aware, a 5-year research study by Dr. Tasha Eurich, Industrial Psychologist and Author of Insight: The

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Do you DARE to read this post?

But you will be damned if you don’t… So, if you’re reading this article it either means you’re daring by natureand perhaps believes that “fortune favours the audacious” (Desiderius Erasmus), or you were tricked by the loss aversion bias, or you played into the hands of reactance because your freedom of choice was threatened…

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